The Sky Is A Beautiful, Dangerous Thing

by StarF

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about

This is the fourth official release from StarF! It is wholly disappointing and the incarnation of a multiple year long anxiety attack. I hope you enjoy listening to it in all it's rough-around-the-edges glory!

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released January 10, 2017

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StarF Minneapolis, Minnesota

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Track Name: Get Stabbed
I think I've got a little too much time on my hands
Because lately I can't stop thinking about what it'd be like if I were stabbed
I'd make the best of it I'm sure, so clearly it's
A case of just another brand new experience
That I don't want to have, so please, don't misunderstand what I write
This isn't an invitation to show me what it's like
To get stabbed (I wanna know) To get stabbed (I wanna know)
To get stabbed (I wanna know, but not that bad)

"You're shaking!" I know, I feel the blade hit
Next level psycho on some insane shit
The knife? Don't blame it, just take it
Less fight the better to control and tame it
I'll be dreaming of the night they up and got me
Making metal an installation of my body
Foreign object; reject - watch me
Shiver, bleed, rational thought stopping
You'd think I'd go rage, auto-pilot: Livid
But let me set the stage, this vision vivid
I don't know why I feel like this is my fate
But I feel like in this life I won't escape
No suspected reasons, not coming soon
Not that I can tell anyway, yet I feel doomed
I can't outrun it, the dogs are always faster
So I crumble and brace for a disaster

Get stabbed (I wanna know)
Get stabbed (I wanna know)
Get stabbed
I want to know, but not that bad [x4]

I've tempted fate, I've cashed in my luck
Wonder how much I've got left before my tickets up?
Danger was imminent, yet never craved
Walked the streets of Chicago in the night unscathed
I've tested limits of the human condition
To try and find the link that's missing
Curiosity's morbid, strangely the pain becomes appealing
And so I feel this urge is ironically part of the healing
[...] 'Cause at least it'll produce a feeling
I need to get out of my head
Cause the nightmares never leave me dead
They hang and twist me on a thread
These apparitions are so well fed
I don't want to get stabbed.
Track Name: Beautiful
Know that if you've ever sat alone on a park bench staring out across an empty world wondering where you fit in, I'm with you. That if you've ever laid down on the grass in a public park on a lazy summer day and gazed deep into an endless infinity wondering "why me?" I'm with you. That if you've ever wondered if you're alone, I'm with you.

The human experience is scary and scarce, but packed dense against a strange pebble in space. If this is getting a little too abstract and pretentious for you I apologize, I'll bring it back to reality, the world is small, and that's the truth. But the truth is boring. What's more exciting is the unknown, the wonderment, the ideas that challenge everything we think we know. The motivation to break the limit. The terrifying realization that maybe this is all we have. The scary thought that maybe we're alone.

But we all have the sky, something that can tie us all together. Every human experience, laden with limits. The horizon, the finish line that can't be reached. Something far away and looming, ever present and comforting. A conundrum, a contradiction, a colossal canopy of creative challenge. And us, calling calamity while crafting cozy commodities, cramped on a carcass of a long-dead creature. We win.

I've often sat and wondered about it all, staring out into a lake, the reflection of the sky against it. Throughout the day every shade represented as if these watercolors were the foundation of the planet's beauty. I found the easel and the palette, now I just need to find the painter. Or figure out which art gallery we are hung from and why. If you've ever stared into the sky and wondered, I'm with you.

But it's nonsense. I know it. We all know it. We can find the answers we want, we can make our own. That's what's wonderful about us: We are endless and vast, and can contradict the fact that we have no idea what we're doing by creating purpose where there wasn't any to begin with. I've grown so tired of trying to find out the answer, so instead I focus inward on us.

I've spent some time here and I feel like I don't know anything. It feels that for all I've learned none of it adds up. I've sat and looked into a sky that goes infinitely outward, and thought about it with a mind that goes infinitely inward, and I'm stuck between two infinities. I've realized it's hopeless, and in a way it's comforting. Because no matter where I go there's always more. Be it the calm purple twilight of a summer's night, or an incredible destructive storm that terrifies you to your core, it's always there.

We are infinity, for a little while.
We are beautiful, dangerous things.
We are alive.
Track Name: Things You (Probably) Shouldn't Think About
It's 5AM lonely, pull up a chair
Ironically enough we've all been there
I write in first person more than my fair share
And now even I relate to the "I don't care"s
I feel you. I know what it's like
I've been alone on a stage with a backbeat and mic
Neither of these things I helped to create
Genesis was words to help satiate
A craving, desire, now gone and replaced
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat
---
I'm going to die, there I said it
I'm going to die, I don't regret it
We all have to die, but to live? That's your call
Referencing death is breaking the fourth wall (x2)
---
I'm driving a time bomb.
You are too.
I think about it from time to time and it gets to me,
Does it get to you?
They call it a body, well that's good and fine
You only get one and I'm trashing mine
I woke up today and I'm feeling okay
But I hear my heart ticking and I'm so afraid
Of the day that it fails, which part will go first?
Will it be something aesthetic, or should I fear for the worst?
They call hypochondria, but on this planet I see
That death is a disease that runs in each family tree
And when I'm driving my car the engine light comes on
And I know it's probably nothing, but I never drive long
So I've developed a habit, it flickers in my head
And if they save me the bills will make me wish I was dead
So I get up on stage and confess every line
To people who stare and think "Don't worry, it's gonna be fine"
And when I reference death I can't help but asking
"Am I breaking some fourth wall? I swear I heard laughing..."
---
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
I've said this all before; repeat - erase
Track Name: Collegeland
Welcome to a place you've probably lived in your twenties
A well rounded meal can't be found but the booze is aplenty
No homeowner, can't afford it, we're always just renting
Where the bills are never late, they're just stuck on "pending"
How you livin'? Well enough, I've found a place for my stuff
But every conversation circles round how we've got it rough
I wonder if we're a victim of our own design
Because realistically we're screwed, but in reality we're fine
Outta mind, our favorite passtime to date
Be it drugs, media, or nature, find a way to escape
Sometimes we gotta when we forget to pay the amenities
Who trusted us with this? Still trying to forge our identities
But it's out into the real world with a job and a vision
"Too stupid to vote or make rational decisions"
And yet we're told to grow up and to get out of their face
So to purgatory we shift, into a stranger place

Collegeland, where if it's broken you just don't need it
Where if you have an appetite you can't afford to feed it
Collegeland, where if it's on Youtube, you've seen it
And if you need a plate, you had better go and clean it
Collegeland, where a good nights sleep is the dream
Where the laundry is dirty, but the TV's pristine
Collegeland, you can always find a couch to crash
But don't stay too long, the welcome wears out fast

You don't have to have attended College to have stayed
In a place where the bed has never actually been made
Where the sinks stacked up high, and the clothes are on the floor
And you have leftover pizza, but still decide to order more
Where the cost of liquor is fine no matter the amount
But you can't afford Netflix, so you use a friend's account
You've grown used to the smell that puts visitors at unease
But you've got it covered with another can of Febreeze
You bought a whiteboard to help with organization
But now it's covered in doodles of genitals and procreation
Between stick figures, how fitting, it's what you've become
Forgetting to eat and now feeling so dumb
So you buy a pack of ramen in the hopes to replenish
And that coffee maker seems like a wise investment
You constantly wonder how you'll make it through the night
But in the future you'll recall fondly the best times of your life

Collegeland, where if it's broken you just don't need it
Where if you have an appetite you can't afford to feed it
Collegeland, where if it's on Youtube, you've seen it
And if you need a plate, you'd better go and clean it
Collegeland, where getting a good nights sleep is the dream
Where the laundry is dirty, but the TV's pristine
Collegeland, you can always find a couch to crash
But don't stay too long, the welcome wears out fast

Every night is a party! (I can't go on)
Every night is a party! (I can't go on)
Every night is a party! (I can't go on)
Where the struggle is real but we cope through song
It's a strange place where we're just as blessed as we're stressed
Depressed and a mess and none of it makes any sense
But we have the ability to find support and stability
I'd never trade the friends I've made here despite the futility

In Collegeland, where if you're feeling sad you can blog it
And the internet provides information on any topic
Collegeland, where we don't know what we're doing
But we assume a better life is the thing we're pursuing
Collegeland, a place in which adults won't invest
Like it or not we're the future, so we're doing our best
Collegeland, some of us will live here forever
We've got each others backs, we'll get through it together
Track Name: Paladin
Five minutes on the clock, I never thought it'd be so intense
Not over till we stop, no surrender if there's a moment left
Hold your breath, clench your fist, line it up and push it in
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
We don't play overtime, crush it fast on our first run
Push across the line, and don't let up until the timers done
Hold your breath, clench your fist, get ready, don't let it in
What a save!
What a save!
What a save!
What a save!

I never thought that when I pulled up on the grass that day
That this field would consume me totally in every way
All that's left are waking dreams of dominating rocket leagues
And me? A humble paladin who seeks to soar above the meek
So when I started with no training they told me I'd be quick to learn
And a master will repeat until they know the moves, so slick to turn
Whip and burn and fly so deft; demo till there is no one left
Drive it to the other side, take the shot, and hold your breath

If you miss that's okay, it's all about opportunity
You will see that two can be the key to truly outdo a team
Respect random opponents for you do not know their plight
Though you will still destroy them swiftly before the end of the night
You may have made mistakes, may have missed 'em on the ground
Their aerials get played so much they might be System of a Down
And when you're pissed I hear the sound when the fists begin to pound
Keep it together, grow your feathers. I insist, play another round

You will take off.
You will rise again.
You will be so much better off than you were back then
Pool shots, hat tricks, reversals as well as epic saves
By ball or puck or mutator I swear that you'll be all the rage
You really don't see it, do you?
The promise in this little cage.
Why are we really here? Do you even know what's at stake?
Humiliation's a cruel penalty and glory's immortality
But your scope is far too centralized if that is all you see

Five minutes on the clock, I never thought it'd be so intense
Not over till we stop, don't give up if there's even a second left
Hold your breath, clench your fist, line it up and push it in
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
Nice shot!
We don't play overtime, crush it fast on our first run
Push across the line, and don't let up until the timers done
Hold your breath, clench your fist, get ready, don't let it in
What a save!
What a save!
What a save!
What a save!

I may have said too much, go on now, be on your way
I was once a rookie like you who just wanted to play
Then there was more to prove so I fine-tuned every move
Until the game became to real and I swore I would never lose
So should we meet again, you'll know by the star atop my antenna
I'd hate to have to fight you but therein lies the dilemma
Do we spin our wheels for nothing or do we strive to be the best?
If your drive comes from your heart you will not falter like the rest
Track Name: A Late Night Meal
When I met you it was clear that you hadn't eaten in quite some time...

We met at the perfect time, right at that intersection of lonely and desperate. I stared into your eyes and felt your hunger reflected back at me. You were starving for attention and craved anything I could offer. You came to the right place.

Because I am a shitty diner that's open 24 hours, seven days a week, and it was going on four in the morning when we first met. You mentioned that you hadn't eaten all day, yeah, I bet.

See you're not the first person I've met looking for a meal, and if it's late and you need somewhere to rest my comfort is a steal. Most who enter do it with an unintended sense of levity, they aren't there because they want to be, they're there because of necessity.

But there was something strange about you, something different I could tell. You came in when everything else was closed but with no hint of malice in your intention, nothing maligned in your convention. By my comprehension you weren't even another late-night patron here with apprehension, you genuinely were seeking my attention.

And so you somehow got inside me, you ordered up a plate. I made it especially for you which now you might claim was my first mistake. But it had been so long since someone cared to taste the content of my being, rather than chew it up and digest it because it's something that they need.
That plate of food was my love, and soon I was consumed by you. But what I didn't realize at first was that you bit off more than you could chew.

For quite some time you were relieved, happy, and content. You couldn't imagine this to be a location you would some day resent. See you had been busy all day and couldn't be bothered to grab a bite to eat, and people get irrational when they're hungry, and you were just glad to finally be off your feet.

But you left the meal half-finished, incomplete. You took it home with you, you took a little piece of me. And that next morning when you looked back at the unfinished meal, which in that moment was exactly what you desired, you didn't feel like having seconds because better options could be acquired.

So that piece of me sat dormant and waited, growing colder every day. You had already forgotten that it was sitting in your fridge by the time it came to throw it all away.

I'm not bitter, I just didn't think you were the type to forget that once this was exactly what you wanted. I'll remain open because that is what I do, perhaps one day we'll meet again. There's always a steady stream of business and there are no plans for renovation. I'll be here if you need me.
Track Name: Masturbating At A Gas Station In Nebraska
Somebody stop me please, I can't keep moving on like this
Processor capacity is full; I'm at the end of my whits
My surroundings mesh and blend into an abstract fine haze
There's no help to be found on such a desolate highway

So I run run, I keep on pushing on
Bad thoughts, thumbs up, no thanks, hop along
Drop knowledge, caffeine, and the same old songs
But nothing much about it keeps me happy for long
I gotta stop, I can't stop, I'm bound by my levity
That facade a nod to plot out the person I oughtta be
But the gravity is strong on a night like this
And so I'm patron to a showing of misery's greatest hits
If I could look away so help me I would never play them
The soul of the vehicle that barrels through the AM
They'd advise me to sleep it off, the wreckage sounds delightful
In contrast to plastered visions of the things that keep me spiteful
Where am I? Who knows, some hundreds of miles from home
Not that it would alleviate the pressure to which I've grown prone
But here alone I tell stories to the trees that pass
Deep breath now, keep on moving, put your foot to the gas

Out on the road the solitude will only make you insane
Alone with your thoughts, can't drive away the pain
Masturbating in a gas station to keep my mind at bay
Can't help the chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain
Alone on the road
Nowhere to go
Masturbating in a gas station to keep the thoughts at bay
I hate this chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain

So what's wrong with you? Are you consumed in your head?
Don't worry, we both know you're better off miserable than dead
So laugh it off dude! Yeah I'll whisper lies to your face
Till you believe them wholesale, now you best pick up the pace

I'm doing 90 in an 70, heart is pounding heavily
Stomach eats itself in a stubborn act of irony
Chest now thumping violently, head is spinning fast
Lost count of oncoming cars that I have passed
Each one offers an easy fix to a life of contemplation
Too scared to die so I need a better plan of action
No one is awake, the world is still with mockery
Unsure of what to do with the apparition haunting me
Exit sign, stay alive, somewhere in Nebraska
I need dopamine, endorphins, and a Red Bull, please and thank ya

Gas isn't all I'm pumping, standing awkward in a stall
Beat the anxiety right out of me, I'm feeling appalled
I don't even want to do this, but I need some kind of release
Drive off into the night tempered with temporary peace

Out on this road the solitude will only make you insane
Alone with your thoughts, can't drive away the pain
Masturbating in a gas station to keep my mind at bay
Can't help the chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain
Alone on the road
Nowhere to go
Masturbating in a gas station to keep the thoughts at bay
I hate this chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain
Track Name: 2spooky4me
When I awake once again, watch me dance
Oooh, can't believe I've gotten another chance
For I used to rest undisturbed alone
Now who dares enter this forsaken home?
Whether guided by tome, tablet, or mysterious fate
You've sealed your doom, so curious, it's too late
For seven lines of sin broken this night put us in this state
The clues stacked ample through these pieces of eight
The gold standard: I'll represent the root of all evil
You came to this place to seek retrieval?
Did you not heed the signs reading "KEEP OUT"?
Heroes persist in fantasy, you'll die without clout
You'll try without doubt, but will you pass the final level?
This is so much more than just a dance with the devil
It's the final boss battle, it's the ultimate test
For I am just your average skeleton still adorned in flesh
And I'm a...

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON
That's 2spooky4me though

So here we are, silly moral, I hope you're up to the task
As I rise into form equipped with my spoopy mask
Unequivocal horror, far beyond your human grasp
Are my dance moves killer? Well I thought you'd never ask
I know the smell aint great, gemme a break, I was buried
But my moves are fresh to death, that's why I'm in a cemetery
In this fight you've got no parry, you're paralyzed and staring
That's why you should be wary, because I am just too scary!
Where as other haunts might fail, I work faster than a light rail
So spooky that I was recently even thrown out of Night Vale
Took residence in Silent Hill but they more than had their fill
2spooky for Jigsaw, I came to play and gave him chills
Is Freddy Krueger more terrifying? Psh, in your dreams
Just keep an eye out tonight because nothing is as it seems
Is it Halloween already? 'Cause your party will be crashed
And I'll show up once a year to haunt your Tumblr dash
Cause I'm a...

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON
That's 2spooky4me though
Track Name: How To Escape Your Own Mortality (And Other Habits Of Highly Effective People)
10,000 lakes and I aim to walk 'em all
I ain't Jesus but I may as well be 900 feet tall

Yeah I come from Minnesota, I thought I told ya, do it real nice
When musics all that's left it means something doesn't feel right
Lips sealed right, I got a secret I bet you wanna know, you're wishin'
Well, throw two cents my way; that's the price of admission
I bet I know you real good, I bet we've met before
If this is your first interaction I could regale you with the lore
But that's a bore, our stories are more like good sushi lately
They're made fresh daily
Rip it up, slide aside, man it's been a wicked ride
I rock like lunar landings always fucking with the tide
The first time I cried it was a trip, the second time a mistake
Now I smile through the tears through every crisis that I make
So what's it gonna take? Push it, push it real bad
This goes out to homies so they'll never have to feel sad:
I love you and I see you doin' your thing, keep it up
And if they try to tell you otherwise (GIVE NO FUCKS)
'ey whassup. My name is StarF, I push it to the metal
Pick up traction, quicken action, now I feel it's time to level
If you pedal meddlesome junk I'm out, I never settle
(Look who's talking) blah blah blah, how you doing kettle?!
I paid off my debt and now I'm making calibrations
This track ain't speculation it's merely celebration
You can take it at face value, so really now let's face it
Those that doubted me dun goofed, I know 'cause I backtraced it

We take it to the top
Like a kid in an elevator, take it to the top!
Like a cherry on a sundae, take it to the top!
Uh, yeah! We take it to the top!!!
Track Name: Thanks For Coming Out Tonight
I've heard before that all the world is a stage. I've also heard that my act is all the rage, and all because I had the audacity to write some lyrics down on a page. Strange. All the world a stage may be, but I am only addressing this immediate vicinity. A handful of people in a history of infinity, my night is finite but I never let this limit me.

Shoot for the stars, but the sky's the limit. I've spent my whole life within this atmosphere just sucking up the air while living in it. And I look up from time to time and it's sunny and blue, a perfect day to relax and spend the day with you. But other times it's rainy and dark, I can't even sit in the park and write these words on paper because the world is suddenly showing its true nature. I waver and watch the lightning as the limits are imposed, my goals lose all pretense. Shoot for the stars, but the sky is an electric fence.

So I go back inside, a smaller venue in which I can confide and confess, I spill words from my lips and pretend like I'm a mess but this was all well prepared and I am not longer scared to stand in front of a crowd and rip my heart out of my chest. Thanks for coming to the show, truly, but know this: Just because I stand here and act like this is a private showing nothing I say tonight is really a secret. It's not because I make it public, it's because I know that you won't keep it. Not really, not in the grand scheme of things, and that's okay. These words were meant to get away.

You'll be walking down the street a month later with a friend and maybe my name will come up, we can pretend. You might say something nice like "Oh yeah, I saw him perform at that little place in the city. He was really energetic! I mean the sound quality was a little shitty," and you'd never admit it but mostly you just took pity on the fact that I was standing there on stage pretending to bear my soul, but I wasn't, I was just reaching for the sky and that's when it hit me.

Thank you for coming out tonight, what we share is something intimate and grand, but sure as I am just another act on the roster tonight tomorrow there will be another band. And you will not be there, nor will I. And they'll also hand our fliers and say stuff like "Check us out guys!" They'll promote and reach for the sky and next week the cycle will repeat and we can all shoot for the stars but never fly. But one taste of that electric shock running through your veins and you'll realize that it's in your blood to try.

This stage is my world, temporarily, as the world is my stage, all the same. I can't help what I do, I have lightning charging through my veins. To everyone out there who didn't make it tonight, I understand. Perhaps we are over-saturated on art, music, poetry, and bands. Because every night you can see another one of us attempt to break through; this stage has seen a lot more performers than I, and if you've ever seen one of them as well, truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Track Name: Dangerous
How long has it been? I can hardly remember
My life feels like a strange blur of Decembers
Like I'm always somehow reaching the end
With nothing to show, only to begin again
And sometimes I feel like my only friend
It's as if I can always see hope just around the bend
But never make it. Shake it off and go and shake it up
Take a deep breath 'cause sometimes we all get stuck
And I flashback to the days as a kid in front of the screen
It's just another puzzle, so I know what it means
When I figure this out, the satisfaction can't be topped
This was always my favorite part; I can't be stopped
No cheat codes, no manual, nothing to guide me
But I find I've always had all the answers right inside me
Nostalgia calling, opportunity is knocking, hold the phone
Single player mode ain't so bad, I'll go it alone

It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You'll find in time it's handy to keep your wits about you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You can always count on you, don't let the others doubt you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
Yes it can be scary when you feel the dark surround you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You're strong enough to make your way and keep the joy around you

So hey, you're alone again. Bummer. Sorry.
The change in pressure suddenly can certainly feel jarring
But you roll with the punches in this mental match of sparring
Until you gain the EXP to unlock the gates they're barring
Despite the anguish that the solitude is causing
There's no need to languish, c'mon dude, no pausing!
Don't quit, never surrender until the mission is complete
So dust yourself off and find yourself upon your feet
It's joyous! Wonderful! Even when it isn't
The anger and the sorrow make the future more exquisite
You won't regret the things you did more than the things you didn't
So it's time to make haste instead of waste, let's hit it!
I know it can be difficult to not know where you're going
Frustrated and afraid when the winds of change are blowing
Feeling like there's no one on Earth that you could trust
But I promise, you only need yourself, it's happiness or bust

It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You'll find in time it's handy to keep your wits about you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You can always count on you, don't let the others doubt you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
Yes it can be scary when you feel the dark surround you
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
You're strong enough to make your way and keep the joy around you

You only need you to accomplish all your dreams
(I only need me to accomplish all my dreams)
You haven't come to an ending, as bad as it may seem
(I haven't come to an ending, as bad as it may seem)
You can break through any obstacle as long as you persist
(I can break through any obstacle as long as I persist)
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
(I'll give this a second go, if you insist)
Track Name: Something Happy
I touched the fire and I felt the warmth inside my grasp
Asking myself questions like how long do I think it will last
But conscious thought was not among the leading motive
When throwing caution to the wind when you're seeking just to live
I felt a spark in every danger I waltzed into willingly
Like this dance with the devil would never end up killing me
Foolish kid with a death wish, but this life leaves me breathless
Speechless on the edge of something that turned out to be endless
I built an empire of memories and squandered all the energy
On something undeserving, unrelenting, never meant for me
I crossed unnerving to the deep end, diving recklessly and fast
Somehow missed the irony, eyes closed shut till the moment passed

I enjoy the risks I take because I'm no longer pretending;
If they backfire and kill me I'll call this a happy ending [x2]

Something happy, and I'm still waiting for
Something happy, and I'm still praying for
Something happy to reveal itself to me
So that one day I can really be the person I pretend to be

Stop me if you've heard this one before, I'm on the floor
Curling into a ball like I can't even take this life no more
Oh sure, we've all been there, we quake against our problems
But I live there quite too often and tend to rock the bottom
Like I prefer to wallow here, like I pretend to swallow fear
But every time tomorrow nears I sense another hollow year
I'm giving up again! My motto, don't wear out my catch phrase
And I'll stay away from yours, telling me "It's just a phase"
Laugh it off, it's all we got, then get up and give it a shot
Because if we're not dying yet we might as well smile through these thoughts
Thicken the plot, quicken the clot, then realize it's all for naught
All this talk is cheaper than the time that we thought we bought
We're expected to make the most of it, but within parameters
Always stepping up but never prepared, professional amateurs
Well you can hand me the baseball bat because I'm feeling up to swing
I'm numb to the recoil so when I fail I won't miss a thing

I enjoy the risks I take because I'm no longer pretending;
If they backfire and kill me I'll call this a happy ending [x2]

Something happy, and I'm still waiting for
Something happy, and I'm still praying for
Something happy to reveal itself to me
So that one day I can really be the person I pretend to be

This is not the end for me, it was never meant to be [x4]
(Something happy)

I enjoy the risks I take because I'm no longer pretending;
If they backfire and kill me [...]

Something happy, and I'm still waiting for
Something happy, and I'm still praying for
Something happy to reveal itself to me
So that one day I can really be the person I pretend to be [x2]