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Masturbating At A Gas Station In Nebraska

from The Sky Is A Beautiful, Dangerous Thing by StarF

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about

This song is about the time that I was driving home across the country in the middle of a massive anxiety attack and the only way I could think to even try and stop it.

lyrics

Somebody stop me please, I can't keep moving on like this
Processor capacity is full; I'm at the end of my whits
My surroundings mesh and blend into an abstract fine haze
There's no help to be found on such a desolate highway

So I run run, I keep on pushing on
Bad thoughts, thumbs up, no thanks, hop along
Drop knowledge, caffeine, and the same old songs
But nothing much about it keeps me happy for long
I gotta stop, I can't stop, I'm bound by my levity
That facade a nod to plot out the person I oughtta be
But the gravity is strong on a night like this
And so I'm patron to a showing of misery's greatest hits
If I could look away so help me I would never play them
The soul of the vehicle that barrels through the AM
They'd advise me to sleep it off, the wreckage sounds delightful
In contrast to plastered visions of the things that keep me spiteful
Where am I? Who knows, some hundreds of miles from home
Not that it would alleviate the pressure to which I've grown prone
But here alone I tell stories to the trees that pass
Deep breath now, keep on moving, put your foot to the gas

Out on the road the solitude will only make you insane
Alone with your thoughts, can't drive away the pain
Masturbating in a gas station to keep my mind at bay
Can't help the chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain
Alone on the road
Nowhere to go
Masturbating in a gas station to keep the thoughts at bay
I hate this chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain

So what's wrong with you? Are you consumed in your head?
Don't worry, we both know you're better off miserable than dead
So laugh it off dude! Yeah I'll whisper lies to your face
Till you believe them wholesale, now you best pick up the pace

I'm doing 90 in an 70, heart is pounding heavily
Stomach eats itself in a stubborn act of irony
Chest now thumping violently, head is spinning fast
Lost count of oncoming cars that I have passed
Each one offers an easy fix to a life of contemplation
Too scared to die so I need a better plan of action
No one is awake, the world is still with mockery
Unsure of what to do with the apparition haunting me
Exit sign, stay alive, somewhere in Nebraska
I need dopamine, endorphins, and a Red Bull, please and thank ya

Gas isn't all I'm pumping, standing awkward in a stall
Beat the anxiety right out of me, I'm feeling appalled
I don't even want to do this, but I need some kind of release
Drive off into the night tempered with temporary peace

Out on this road the solitude will only make you insane
Alone with your thoughts, can't drive away the pain
Masturbating in a gas station to keep my mind at bay
Can't help the chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain
Alone on the road
Nowhere to go
Masturbating in a gas station to keep the thoughts at bay
I hate this chemical warfare that's taking place in my brain

credits

from The Sky Is A Beautiful, Dangerous Thing, released January 10, 2017

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StarF Minneapolis, Minnesota

I'm perfect imperfect ampersand I'm okay.

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