Empty Handed

by StarF

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about

StarF's first official Scrub Club release has finally arrived, and he's ready to let you inside his busy mind.

An excellent writer and poet, he brings a very different style and feel with his flow.

There's nothing quite like it - when his emotional lyrics mix perfectly with the deep and heavy production on these songs, you'll take a roller coaster ride straight into the dedicated heart that StarF showed to earn his place in Scrub Club.

credits

released July 12, 2011

All lyrics written by StarF.
All vocals by StarF with the exception of the hook on "Change The World" sung by Dynamo Dash.
All beats produced by S-Rock.
Mixing done by Lefthand.

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StarF Minneapolis, Minnesota

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Track Name: Empty Handed
Behind closed doors, they do not know what lurks...
A cataclysm of events leading to a singular point on the timeline
An explosion of emotion imminent in their binding
Disaster and euphoria dropped chaotically like clockwork
We are one side of a rigged coin
We are one face of a loaded die
We are one card in a stacked deck
And we are taking our chances

Never again will they say we are just empty shells
Cast us into fear of God, fear of Life, fear of Hell
Never again will they say we are nothing more than clones
Mindless masses working, our purpose to serve as drones
Never again will they say we are only empty inside
Giving us no true hope, solace, or source in which to confide
Never again will they strip us of our goals, our hopes and plans
We wield whatever tools necessary within our empty hands

It is not a battle-plan or mission statement, don't be mistaken
The key to our unwinding is nothing more than a realization
And if you're brave enough to undergo it, I ask you open up your minds
To secrets, obvious and honest, too easy not to find

I am empty handed, charging head first into the unknown
All my previous weapons have been outgrown
I keep knowledge as power and an outlook realistic
Break problems down into pieces that are much more simplistic
This time we're going ballistic, the truth can not hide
Raging infernos never willfully choose to subside
So by force of death you cannot deter my velocity
It was curiosity that bred this monstrosity
The world's a big place in which to make a permanent mark
So I started off small and tried to ignite with a spark
Now the fire is hungry, and I'm trying my hardest
Not every flame consumes the world; not everyone can be an artist
And I like it like that, value not cheapened with blaze
All the lights consuming land is Hell to be raised
Impossible odds doesn't mean I didn't understand it
I just feel that this is right for me; even if I am empty handed
Track Name: Change The World
I tried to change the world
But the world changed me instead
I thought I had such good ideas
Until they got in my head

Extroversion... I looked around the world to find flaws
Discovered vague notions of justice backed up with crooked laws
Foundation built on hypocrisy, needed more rights
I tried to make a difference but they said I had no insight
Ripped apart my ethics, as if I even had any
One against the world, they were simply too many
And when they finally broke me down I had to reimagine myself
As it stood I stood trapped within my own mental prison cell

I tried to change the world
But the world changed me instead
I thought I had such good ideas
Until they got in my head

Introversion... I looked within myself to find truth
Discovered vague notions backed up with no proof
Foundation built on mistrust in myself, needed simplicity
The bolted shut doors needed more force than electricity
I delved to the bottom of my heart to find a new start
Damn near ripped the cables in my ribcage apart
While I was there I discovered the entrance into a pit
Didn't like the looks of the depth, but I still tried to stomach it
Jumped in with no intention of returning to the surface
Caught in suspension between work and searching for a purpose
Felt nauseous by the time I was meant to leave
As insurance I armed my heart; now it sits on my sleeve
My hands tremble with the shake of a thousand earthquakes
I guess I just couldn't take to heart the impact of the stakes
My body takes damage at the expense of my brain
They told me to get help, I claimed that they were insane!
Human condition is not built around faith and superstition
It's up to the cogs to modify their position
And if you meddle with that, by throwing metal in that
You're gonna clog up the system; gears jammed and trapped

I tried to change the world
But the world changed me instead
I thought I had such good ideas
Until they got in my head
Track Name: Plain English
Plain english, let's sit down and talk this out
Just two adults, there's no need to scream or shout
I have no doubts that you were good in all of your intentions
But I feel that there are aspects that you've failed to mention
So go on, tell me, was I the problem? Don't you lie
I can deal with the fact I'm just another dumb guy
I suck at relationships, and when elation slips
I don't want to be the one that explanation skips
I wasn't banking on my ranking to win over your decision
I was hoping and then coping with infliction of division
Diving into metaphors, trying to reach a better score
Ignoring every person who kept telling me to "get her more"
Is this worth fighting for? Yes, you better believe it
But I'm no longer convinced you really want to perceive it
Maybe you wanted to trade me in for a little fast fun
I've solved 99 problems, now you're the last one

There is no bounty that I'm trying to collect
I'm just counting the days while I sit and reflect
I didn't that think that the pieces were completely perfect
But I was trying my hardest just to make them connect
Every time I reach demise I just sit and dissect
Trying to keep my emotion and all my memories checked
Sitting and then wishing for another resurrect
No use in the cryptics, I gotta get direct

I'll assure my victory through our faded history
The memory meant more to me than just some jaded misery
My happiness is blasting this; my music will fill the void
Because no matter what my stature this cannot be destroyed
I'm not overjoyed, no, but at least I gained inspiration
Cause I can't stop thinking about you and can't shake the frustration
I know we can still talk, I know I seem like a jerk
So sorry it's been awhile, I feel I might go berserk
See I did not fall in love, but I was teetering on the edge
Almost got pushed off the ledge, but wasn't so fast to allege
I'm still there, trying to back up, but my balance is off
You're an irresistable force, like a flame to a moth
I can't help myself, I need to jump, but I can't stomach the fall
Like I built my home up here; velocity will just steal it all
You can't just pull me back now, what's in the past is done
I've solved 99 problems, now you're the last one

There is no bounty that I'm trying to collect
I'm just counting the days while I sit and reflect
I didn't that think that the pieces were completely perfect
But I was trying my hardest just to make them connect
Every time I reach demise I just sit and dissect
Trying to keep my emotion and all my memories checked
Sitting and then wishing for another resurrect
No use in the cryptics, I gotta get direct
Track Name: Nike Syndrome
"Just do it! Do you need a reason?"
I told them I did, my friends called treason (x2)

Follow the leader, come on, follow the crowd
Stop trying to voice your opinions out loud
Just do it... We've got the Nike Syndrome
Drug culture might as well have it's own holy tome
Many people can see the faults in personalities
Originality lacks in cool crowd mentality
Banality consumes the nature of consumer rationality
Rationing rash informalities on technicality
Stop trying to do this, start using this and that
Until the owners reset, control, and reformat
Society propriety is built on anti-sobriety
Trying to undermine the guilt and anxiety
But we need them, truth be told, to hold our values in place
Geared up with Nike Syndrome but didn't train for the race
Faced with the options black and white we don't want to be left behind
I resigned, defined my life by parameters that were not assigned

"Just do it! Do you need a reason?"
I told them I did, my friends called treason (x2)

The nation is infected; I never thought I'd be dissected
But my presence was detected, they strive to leave me disconnected
It drained down to a personal level, wanted to meddle
Like take a hit of this shit, it's so legit, but my body is a temple
Simple to deny smoke, to keep rocks out of my nose
Not to drink any poisons that riddle my brain with holes
And the riddle it goes: Is it worth all the hassle?
They can call me what they want as long as they're ready to battle

No problems with their problem, they can do what they like, see
I'm not offended by the syndrome, they can live life by Nike
They act like I try to be better, I've got vices like any other
I drink carbonated acid and treat music like a lover
It was my choice to remain clean in things unnatural to me
They see me as a threat cause I'm unswayed by powers that be
And to each their own perspective, my perception is clear
As it stands I don't dictate the way I live by my peers

"Just do it! Do you need a reason?"
I told them I did

"Just do it! Do you need a reason?"
I told them I did, my friends called treason (x4)
Track Name: Metaforce
I can't stop thinking about you...
You won't get out of my head...
I've tried so hard to replace you...
But you keep coming up instead...

Get out of here, I don't want you to be here anymore
You keep coming back, what are you doing this for!?
I love you, I loved you, but I'm sick of your shit
Why are you trying to beat me down!? I already forfeit!
I give up, I give in, I moved on, I moved out
And yet the voices in my head like to scream and shout
Like to remind me of you, and when their volume subsides
You seem to know and then you show yourself just to remind
Just to give me a hint that it could've been better
That we could have been together, you wouldn't have broken forever
And now that it's never, you want to rub it in my face
From a faraway place, gone but leaving a trace
But I'm happy too, as long as I'm not thinking of you
So stop reminding me about the things we'll never get to do
Whatever though, typical teenage angst on a pedestal
I'll remedy with music and write my own lyrics until the kettle blows
Turning up the heat on our personal body of water
Until you evaporate from my life and are no longer a bother
And you infect my lyrics, the fourth wall has been broken
Because I've rapped the same in the past; the audience has spoken
They say if you're gonna rap about girls, find a better way to do it
Man it's trite and played out, so I had to renew it
So I figured I would make you into the song, didn't know where to start
The etchings came up weak; I couldn't detach you from my heart
To put you on paper, you stay there like a persistent leach
I'm feeling purged of the practiced lessons I used to preach
And in a lesser informed era I'd consider this a healing
Now I realize I was stupid, got left with a hollow feeling
Stealing notions of trust, you had me strung out on lies
Crossing oceans of lust, I didn't see the strings were tied
The knots in my stomach were indicators of the disaster
When the snowballs started rolling the knots unwound even faster
And I got left in the cold, you were the manifestation of snow
Comforting in the winter but eventually you had to go
So very easy to mold, melted in others hands
When the blizzard kept me in I was reminded of broken plans
Where did you go? What happened every night you were gone?
I feared for the worst but you assured me that I was wrong
And when I found out the truth, you tried to place the guilt on me
Like I was built not to see that you're simply filled with deceit
You were nothing but a boulder trying to smolder my blaze
I was so stoked but when trouble hit I was counting the days
And when the sticks had all broken and the stones crushed my bones
The words were sharp enough to cut me up and you left me alone
Not to be melodramatic, our end is anticlimactic
It's just so sad it had to be so drastic, I just had to have it
And so goodbye to you and us, I hope you're happy away
I'm doing my best to squelch your voice; and I'm doing okay
Track Name: Underwater
You can't phase me
You're crazy
I won't let you get to me
You can't stop me
Don't mock me
You just cannot get through see
I am better
A go-getter
I can do without bickering
You are calling
I'm not falling
For more of your trickery

I guess by now I probably shoulda learned my lesson
The answer so apparent that I no longer question
But I still fall into the trap from time to time
But that's perfectly fine, it's my mind to bind
Sometimes you just need some relief from the routine
So I'll take the pain to feel something, jump into the machine
Till the grinding gears chew on me, started as a dream
And now the grass is blood red not pristine green
The trumpet just sounded, think I heard a voice
Could barely make it out; telling me I have a choice
Kept watch on the situation, the move was clear
Eyes glued to the devatation of the hope I held dear
Worst fear came to pass, obvious, I'm oblivious
Here's the deep end and I don't want to fall into this
I'm not shallow, I didn't even get into the pool
Diving ain't my style man, cause I wont play the fool

You can't phase me
You're crazy
I won't let you get to me
You can't stop me
Don't mock me
You just cannot get through see
I am better
A go-getter
I can do without bickering
You are calling
I'm not falling
For more of your trickery

They wanted me to dive in, go six feet deep
When I peered over the edge, started to shuffle my feet
I was ready for the fall but instead chose to retreat
Not even out of fear, felt like going back to sleep
It seemed a wise decision as my foot is made of lead
The lack of oxygen tends to leave most people dead
So I fled, what, looked at her agenda; saw the roots
She thought that she was clever crafting cement boots
Balls and chains, torture things that would lead to my demise
She caught a glimpse of dread when she looked into my eyes
I despise to think of those who jump head first
They wind up tangled in her web, left for dead or worse
A parade of past lovers, everyone will cheer
They used to kiss you, now they're plagued with fear
I feel bad for them, I made a quick escape
Got out before you clawed for your prize; a piece of heart to take

You can't phase me
You're crazy
I won't let you get to me
You can't stop me
Don't mock me
You just cannot get through see
I am better
A go-getter
I can do without bickering
You are calling
I'm not falling
For more of your trickery (x2)
Track Name: Expendable
I don't want to be expendable, don't want to be replaceable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that
There's a fine line between the memory and the untracable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that

My god, what have I become, simply a vessel full of words
Filled with infinite energy but no understanding of how things work
I want to make a difference but it turns out I have no credentials
Useless and replacable, feels like I'm going mental
But I just get on with my life, yeah I get on with my grind
And I run run run run 'til I'm running out of time
Out of line, out of my mind, and out of original thoughts
I keep reaching into my old bag of tricks because now it's all I've got

I don't want to be expendable, don't want to be replaceable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that
There's a fine line between the memory and the untracable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that [x2]

I thought I'd give it up, the mentality of falling
But my journey to the apathetic was my imagination stalling
I realize in retrospect that this was never my calling
I forced myself into a box and it's no wonder it's appauling
And they tell me to just quit, and they tell me to just stop
I say nevermind, nevermind, man I'll see you at the top
And if you should fail to make it, I'll wave from way up here
These golden trails and apparitions tend to disappear
It was in the way they'd sneer, it was in the way they'd sneer
I realized I was going to make it when I acknowledged my lack of fear
I don't want to be expendable, but as a human I digress
This wasn't my first choice, but I know I could have settled for less

I don't want to be expendable, don't want to be replaceable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that
There's a fine line between the memory and the untracable
Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind that [x2]
Track Name: Headache
The pounding in my head just won't go away
It's like I find myself doing this every single day
Headaches, bad shakes, endless body quakes
How long to sedate? How much is it gonna take?

Today I picked up the needle and injected it deep
I didn't think about consequences, let the medicine seep
Into my veins, my blood, irreversible action
Searching hopelessly for a moment of satisfaction
And really just a distraction, my eyes get real wide
As my heart starts to race I feel as though I have died
But still standing, too much planning going into the void
The abyss not enjoyed, so many hopes destroyed
As the regrets flow faster than my heart can pump
I feel the panic and the urge to start to jump
To work it out, run around, get this out of my head
And if I can't stop the pressure then I'd be better of dead
Instead of thinking so much, maybe I could just take it easy
I've tried to put down the needle so many times, you've gotta believe me
Should try to find a new hobby, talk about a new topic
But I always find my way back and I just can't seem to stop it

The pounding in my head just won't go away
It's like I find myself doing this every single day
Headaches, bad shakes, endless body quakes
How long to sedate? How much is it gonna take?

It just comes naturally to me I see you're having your doubts
You want to trap me in a room; you want to scream and shout
Like I didn't know, like I didn't see the problem with this
I'd trade in all your anger for just one trip to this bliss
Balled fists, jagged teeth, I'm trying so hard to breathe
But the shaking in my lungs intensifies when I try to leave
I need a fix, please oh please, after this one I'll quit
Then I'll move onto something stronger for just a little bit
I mean shit, you can't tell me that you've never wanted to try
I can be your gateway if you feel like taking the ride
We can keep each other alive through the tales of our times
If we don't come back I guess it means that we weren't meant to survive
Your vacant stare speaks novels to my damaged ears
Like this is the escape that we have both been craving for years
So come here, indulge with me just once, let it flow
And when you've finally made the mistake, we let it all go (Oh no...)

The pounding in my head just won't go away
It's like I find myself doing this every single day
Headaches, bad shakes, endless body quakes
How long to sedate? How much is it gonna take?
Track Name: Glass Spheres
An age old riddle...
What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object?
What happens when two unstoppable forces collide?

Two glass spheres filled with infinite possibility
The inanimate claiming the ultimate responsibility
Comprehend beginning and end, impossibility
Strengthened by each others secret fragility

An impossible runway, eons stretched across time
A concept stained into reality, yet not quite designed
Defined parameters of physics teeter on the tracks
A million little details, only two discernible facts:
Two tracks, two objects set on a course to collide
The only spectacle in light years; only things to reside
A void unlike any other, nothing witnessed by life
A constant state of night and yet still stricken with light
The orbs hold such mystic powers, quite a force to behold
Ancient powers untold, unknown events set to unfold
Rolled at indescribable speeds and through ridiculous lengths
Alone terminal in velocity; monolithic in strength

Two glass spheres filled with infinite possibility
The inanimate claiming the ultimate responsibility
Comprehend beginning and end, impossibility
Strengthened by each others secret fragility

A manufactured static stature but at no physical cost
And an enigma in the concept of the days they should cross
Two spheres falling at an increasing state of velocity
Collision course imminent and assuring atrocity
Curiosity got the better of the aftermath of explosions
A sandbox of contents left to the task of erosion
Unstoppable was never a trait that was set into the stone
Now as it washes away the entire idea seems unknown
A concept as it was; created by sentient beings
Trying to rule it all by projecting souls onto machines
Two enormous titans ride the rails of the massive force
Destiny and fate shove them together as a new source
Energy wasn't always a convention, but more of an invention
By nothing that can be grasped by human minds if mentioned
It was the riddle and enigma that planted thoughts in our heads
When they shattered and the clues slowly started to spread

Two glass spheres filled with infinite possibility
The inanimate claiming the ultimate responsibility
Comprehend beginning and end, impossibility
Strengthened by each others secret fragility

An immovable object, an unstoppable force
Pit two against each other and you find the source
Of course the regions of time don't expand that far
Shattered glass realities; the fabric of the bizarre
Track Name: Empty Hearts
Empty pages waiting to be filled with my words
A hundred songs waiting to be filled with my voice
A world of people to get it out there and heard
Empty pages to be filled, and it's all by my choice

I'm silent... It's like I forgot how to communicate
Trying to break sound barriers but living at a human's pace
Slower than a human race held down by glue
Feeling loopy like I was also stuck and breathing the fumes
I've been subdued, finally, I've been waiting for the day
That I could no longer sit here pretending this is all okay
Not a depressing collapse or an aggressive relapse
Don't really know what to call it, a new beginning perhaps
I write with such vigor, portray my life through strange figures
But I make more mistakes daily than I could count on my fingers
Instead of riddles and puzzles, I should just be more open
Spend more time working on this instead of sitting around hoping
It'll be recepted well, I do this for myself alone
I'm happy if you like it but I could be content while unknown
I fear change... It's strange, I walk the walk but don't talk it
I've got a little spare knowledge and trepidation in my pocket

Empty pages waiting to be filled with my words
A hundred songs waiting to be filled with my voice
A world of people to get it out there and heard
Empty pages to be filled, and it's all by my choice
A hundred songs written waiting to see the light of day
A hundred empty minds waiting to be filled with my voice
A world of people out there pretending to be okay
Empty hearts to be filled, and it's all by my choice

I broke down today... It's like I forgot how to live
I forgot how to remember to forget and forgive
Gave satisfaction to the faction of weakness in my heart
I guess you have to break it down in order to build a new start
I got the parts, determination and a quart of clarity
Time to see if I can spin this art into prosperity
I drift through crowds of people who I will never get to know
Don't have time to build the balance man, I've just gotta go
My friend once pretended I was dead, I watched the world go up in flames
As they all squabbled over death and who was to blame
I guess the aim of the game was to see who was most insane
Peace and unity seemed to only put strain on their brains
I can do without it, forever, I can live happy no problem
Some people don't like the depth but I built a house at rock bottom
And you can come in and visit, I'll write a song before you leave
Like music and a positive outlook is all that you really need

Someday we'll all get sick of trying to pretend we don't care
We'll do something about it instead of just scream it's not fair
Someday we'll all get tired of pretending that we're happy to settle
We'll do something about it instead of whine and backpedal

Empty pages waiting to be filled with my words
A hundred songs waiting to be filled with my voice
A world of people to get it out there and heard
Empty pages to be filled, and it's all by my choice

I wrote volumes of peace in between the lines in my mind
Tried to share them with the world but they seemed so unkind
Didn't want to hear what I had to say, so I erased every page
Overwrote the peace with blind rage, we'll talk peace in a new age
For now empty pages are waiting to be filled with my words
Don't know if they'll ever be heard, so far they've called it absurd
But a world of people seem to be waiting to hear my voice
Empty hearts to be filled, and it's all by my choice
Track Name: It's Not Right...
(And I feel terrible...)

I'd really like to kill myself!
Did I say "kill"!? I meant THANK.
For the poison I drank that left my memory blank
It robbed the memory bank, and I can't feel anymore
It cut through the skin and bone right down into my core
I hit the floor (I hit the floor, I hit the floor)
I can't STOP.
I feel it seeping further in my veins I'm gonna drop
And I'm falling (falling) and I can't get away
From all the horrible things that I have forgotten to say
And I feel terrible, and I feel terrible
And I feel terrible terrible (It's getting unbearable)
So this goes out to the world, especially those filled with hate
I'm going to self-destruct and you're all gonna feel great!

(And I feel terrible...)

I'd really like to curse myself!
Did I say "curse"!? I meant EXALT
The more I think about it the more I realize I'm at fault
I filled all the wounds with salt, and now I feel all too much
The more I amputate my limbs the more that I'm out of touch
And I can no longer bear to use you as my crutch
I'm out of luck (out of luck, out of luck)
I can't MOVE.
The splitting of the paths made it too hard to choose
And I can no longer see what it is that I have to lose
And I'm so terrible, and I'm so terrible
And I'm so terrible terrible (Now it's unrepairable)
We can revel in my ashes as I rise and take form
I am I am I am I am I am the eye of the storm

(And I feel terrible...)